It’s hard to believe that Yours Truly was granted an interview with R. Kelly but goddamn if we don’t love us some Kellz and that new single, Echo is simply rainbow flavored flames. His manager said he’d call me – I couldn’t call him – and I was to expect a ring around 3:15am on Wednesday. At 4:15am, the phone rang. It was his manager’s head of security.
“Yo, we’re going to have to push that time back an hour,” said a deep voice that reminded me of what Suge Knight would sound like if he ever stopped scowling and actually spoke.
“Okay,” I said quickly, still excited for the opportunity. “So, does that mean an hour from right now because I think we were supposed to do this an hour ago.”
“Huh?” he paused. I felt I’d made a wrong move, so I hushed up. “Wait. You out in Cali?”
Before I had a chance to answer, he said, “Kellz runs on Mountain Time,” like it was common knowledge.
“Sounds good. Do you think he’s going to be tired?” The line went dead.
At 5:15am (PST), the phone rang. I held off for two rings then picked up. “Hello?”
“Hey girl,” said a soft voice – exactly the kind you’d expect from an R&B superstar.
“Oh, actually my name’s Caleb,” I said lightly, hoping we’d have a laugh and break the ice on that misfire.
“That don’t matter,” said Kelly in his smooth voice. I think he refers to everyone as ‘girl.’ “What’s on your mind, girl?”
“I’m really excited about this new album. I’ve only – .”
” – Me too. Me too,” he said nonchalantly, cutting me off. “It’s probably the third best version of this album,” he said, making it seem like that was a really good thing.
“There’s other versions of this album?”
“Yeah there’s probably 7 or 12 different versions. Some are like cuban flavor. Some are like Nestle Quik, you know?”
I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “Ummm….well, why don’t you release the best version of the album?”
“I haven’t heard it yet shawty!” laughing as if the question was crazy.
“Oh, okay. What about the second best version?”
“That one’s for my mom.” Then he pulled back from the phone and I could quietly hear him say, “For you, momma.” I let him have a moment. It was honestly emotionally draining. Then he said, “I just pointed up to heaven and told my momma that the second best version is for her.”
“Yeah, I thought that’s what you were -.”
” – Hey let me call you back.”
Before I said, “Okay,” he hung up. I thought it was over, but I swear to god, he called me right back.
I picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“Hey girl. Sorry about that. I had to hang up for 15 seconds.”
“Well, we should probably be wrapping this up because that sun is rising, but I just wanted to say that ‘Echo’ is a dope record.”
I could hear him smiling over the phone. “Right-right. Word.”
“You really are one of the best rap-slash-singers ever.” At this point, all of my interview questions were thrown out the window. “I mean, ‘Ignition (remix)’ is the jam!”
“True. True. I appreciate that, girl.”
“I’m getting carried away, but seriously, ‘Echo’ will be the jam of the year.”
“It already is in Puerto Rico, Quebec and,” in an Oprah-type shout, “Cleeeeevelaaaaaand!”
“Wait, I thought it wasn’t out yet?”
“I’ve got 3 ‘Jam of the Year’ trophies that say otherwise.”
Again, I didn’t know how to respond to that. “Well, thanks a lot, Kellz. Can I call you Kellz?”
“Of course, girl.”
“Is that with an ’s’ or a ‘z’?”
Without hesitation, he responded, “It’s with a ‘k’.”
“Right. Umm…right. Well, thanks for letting me do this. I really appreciate it.”
“Alright. You tell your mom I said, ‘hey girl’.”
“What did you say about my momma!”
I hung up and hid under the bed before he could finish.
(this interview never happened)
2 Comments
This is quality.
That interview made me laugh so hard. That guy is a true original and yes, Ignition (RMX) is an alltime fave. Word!